What the heck is wrong with our brains?!?

We stand there in the checkout aisle looking at magazines crammed full of photoshopped images of beautiful women… fake women… women who don’t actually look like this in real life… but we find ourselves wanting it.  

We try to remind ourselves that they’re fake.  We try to remind ourselves that these are celebrities who have loads of money and they can afford plastic surgery, botox, personal trainers, and personal chefs… but we can’t help but compare ourselves to them.

So I repeat my question, what the heck is wrong with our brains?!?

There was a time in my life when I literally had to stop buying gossip magazines.  After reading one of them, I would either feel like crap or I would start focusing my energies on superficial things that were advertised within the magazine.

And then there’s social media.   

I have a love hate relationship with social media.  

I love how it connects us to people we would never actually be able to communicate with in real life.  It helps us stay in touch with friends who live out of reach, relatives in other states, previous co-workers, and classmates from our high school days.  And it helps us stay in touch without much time or effort. What an amazing thing that all these people are simply a fingertip away.

But then… there are times when social media turns on you.  It sits back in its chair with its feet propped up and it starts smirking at you.  

It smirks at you as you scroll through your newsfeed.  It smirks at you as you start skimming through all the pictures and reading all the captions.  

It listens to your deepest darkest thoughts…

Wow.  Look at all those amazing women. They’re all so beautiful! They’re all so talented!

I wish I could cook a gourmet dinner like woman A.
I wish I could style my outfits like woman B.
I wish I had skinnier legs like woman C.
I wish I could make as much money as woman D.

Suddenly, you find yourself envying them.  You don’t just want to be ONE of them.  You want to be ALL of them.  

You might see one woman who travels on fancy job trips and you wish you could live a lavish lifestyle like her.  But then you see the complete opposite… a stay at home mom who doesn’t work so she’s able to pack amazing lunches for her kids AND volunteer at her children’s school.  And even though these are two completely conflicting ideas, you get sucked into comparison mode, and you wonder why can’t you just be more like BOTH of these women?

Then of course… you start losing your ever-loving mind because you can’t possibly be all these women!

Comparison starts whispering to you that you’re not good enough.  Comparison starts whispering to you that your life isn’t as great as you thought it was.

Comparison can take you to a dark place that is sometimes very hard to get out of.

Geez Louise, SNAP OUT OF IT HONEY!

Here’s the Reality:

Everybody has strengths.  And people like bragging.. ahem, I mean… posting about the things they’re good at on Social Media.  They like posting about when things are going well, when they’ve succeeded, and when they’re happy. 

Everybody has stuff they suck at too.  But people don’t like posting about this stuff.  People don’t like posting about the sad stuff, or the hard stuff, or the depressing stuff, or the discouraging stuff.  They don’t like posting about their weaknesses or when they fail.
It doesn’t mean this side doesn’t exist.  It just means we don’t often get to SEE it.

Things to do when comparison starts cramping your style:

BE REALISTIC:

Remember that every woman has her strengths.  Every woman has her happy moments. But also remember that every woman also has flaws.  And every woman also has her hard, sad, and discouraging moments.

Remember that there are people who sell their lifestyle even though the interior might be falling apart.  Have you ever looked at the pictures and wondered if they’re happy?

And remember that the beautiful photographs of women in magazines… yeah those girls don’t actually exist.  In most cases, they’ve been computerized to look like that.  

FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS:

Make a list of things you are good at.  Your strengths and your gifts.  

Picture yourself as someone else… and that someone else is now scrolling through your facebook feed… that someone else is now watching you do life from a distance… what are the things that you do that would inspire them?  

Add these things to your list and then keep this list handy to look back on when you’re feeling discouraged.

MAKE GOALS:

It’s ok to be inspired by someone.  Goodness – there are a ton of blogs that have inspired me to be better.  But that’s just it… feeling inspired is completely different than feeling discouraged or defeated.  Feeling inspired should lift you up, not tear you down.  It should give you something to work towards, not make you look back at all the things you’re not good at.

So choose one thing about one of these women that inspires you.  Make that one thing a goal.  Then, find realistic ways to help yourself get better in that area.

BE HAPPY WHEN OTHERS SUCCEED:

It’s called Good Sportsmanship people!  When other people win, cheer them on. Just because they’re winning, it doesn’t mean that you’re losing so quit acting like such a sore loser!

Remember when they win, be happy for them.  Even if you don’t really feel like it. Even if your thoughts don’t match your actions, cheer them on.  Cheer them on so much that it becomes a habit.

Model for your children what it means to be happy for other people when they succeed.

TAKE A BREAK:

If all else fails, simply take a break.  

Stop getting on Facebook for a designated amount of time.  Or make a strict “no scrolling” rule.  Just get on and check your messages and then get off.  

Maybe there’s a blog that makes you feel awful about yourself.  Then unfollow it.
Quit reading the tabloid magazines in the checkout line.  Remove yourself from the negativity.

You deserve to be healthy and happy, and you should be focusing your energies on the things and the people who bring the best out in you.  Anything that doesn’t, get rid of it.

BE GRATEFUL:

I think the most dangerous part of comparison is that we forget just how lucky we actually are.  It brings out the bratty toddler in us… always wanting more, more, more!

Instead, be intentional about being grateful.  Quit thinking about what you don’t have, and instead meditate on the things that you do have.  You should literally schedule time in your day to do this.  Count your blessings and don’t stop until you get to at least ten.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

I yearn for more transparency between women.  I yearn for us to be honest with each other so that we can feel human.  So that we can be relatable. That’s why I started this blog. So we could help each other through the madness of it all.  To help each other juggle the struggle.

So here I am, being transparent with all of you.  I do not have it all together.  Not even close.

Here are some of my weaknesses:

• I’m directionally challenged.  Like – OMG directionally challenged.  I was once late to my friend’s wedding rehearsal because I drove 30 minutes in the opposite direction… and had absolutely no idea I was even going the wrong way until they called me to see where I was.
• Sports… what’s that again?  (Cricket cricket). I am clueless about this area.
• I can only “sort of” cook.  There is no way I know how to cook a gourmet dinner.
• I have no idea how to apply foundation to my face.
• I can’t resist dessert.
• I overthink everything.  I am one of the most indecisive people I know.  It’s ‘hard for me to make a decision without wondering “what if”.  And it drives me absolutely crazy.

And now onto some of my strengths:

• I love my children.  Like I absolutely love them.  And they absolutely know they’re loved.
• I am intentional about spending time with my husband and communicating with him.
• I am empathetic to people who are hurting.
• I like to host get togethers and be hospitable.
• I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give.
• I am creative.

Ladies…we are not perfect.  And we should never aspire to be perfect.  Love yourself for who you are: weaknesses and strengths.

Ok – so now it’s your turn!!!!  Create a list of your strengths on a sheet of notebook paper.  Then comment below with your top three!  (and if you’re feeling brave, maybe a few of your flaws too)!

“Comparison is the death of joy.”  ~Mark Twain